


Vibrant Display of a Fleeting Blossom

by Dev14



Series: Fleeting Blossoms [1]
Category: Bleach
Genre: Angst, But it's there, ByaRen, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Hanahaki Disease, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Muteness, One Shot, One-sided ByaRen, Past ByaHisa, Unrequited Love, You Have Been Warned, very subtle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-31
Updated: 2020-05-31
Packaged: 2021-03-03 08:47:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24468211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dev14/pseuds/Dev14
Summary: Excerpt:'People said that it was a deathly disease. That it was so rare that most thought it a myth. To love so strongly that blossoms grew inside your very being, forcing its way out as proof of your genuine and true affection. That the only cure was reciprocation.But it was a disease of love that could never be.'A soft cough was heard, and another, until shaky fingers plucked a vibrant red camellia from smiling lips, even as blood dripped down pale hands.**Edited 09/10/2020
Relationships: Abarai Renji/Kuchiki Byakuya
Series: Fleeting Blossoms [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1961920
Comments: 15
Kudos: 73





	Vibrant Display of a Fleeting Blossom

_What do you feel when you are in love?_

_._

_Some people would say joy, like flowers in spring.  
_ _Others would say longing and the constant need to see your other half.  
Some people would say pain as they watched the one they love fall for another._

_._

_Some people would say love is for the stupid. For the weak._

_Maybe they have never experienced love.  
Or maybe they have been broken by it.  
They have felt the sting in their hearts when the one they had entrusted it with stomped it to the ground. Played with it. Played with their lives.  
It happened often enough._

_._

_Love is not an emotion. Love is not a simple feeling. It's not fleeting, nor is it strong in itself._

_It is a parasitic entity that latched onto your heart through the hand of another, perhaps more than once, if you are unlucky.  
Most people are._

_It is weak at its conception, an innocent sapling taking root in the place you least suspected, the weakest part of your soul. Its strength derived from your ability to feel for the one who placed it there. And the more you do, the stronger its roots, the stronger its poison runs through your system, and the more you are taken away by the person's actions and their voice, and everything that they are. The urge almost instinctive as if the air we breathe, as if the food we eat.  
Their presence in your life the necessary cure, like sunlight and rain for delicate flowers.  
Without them, love will eat away at your heart, making it hollow._

_It grows into a sweet, sweet, poisonous blossom. It may kill you quickly, or it may remain with you for the rest of your life, becoming a part of your body—a symbiotic relationship, as your love is reciprocated, and you plant love in the other person's heart._

_Or it may even kill you slowly. Painfully. Even as you clutch it tighter, sought to destroy it, its poison already ruining your mind, blinding you of rational thoughts, enabling you to do things you would not do otherwise.  
Like a child trying to revive a dead blossom that they tore from its stalk._

_._

_._

_._

* * *

Renji was in love with his captain.

He couldn't pinpoint when, exactly, but he knew when his emotions started to manifest. 

When the raven-haired man first laid his eyes on him in disdain, as he escorted Rukia away from Renji's life the first time around.

Obviously, he didn't believe in love at first sight.

But he knew the spark was there. His ambitions, his goals to surpass the Kuchiki. To strive to be equal to him, so he could unite with his childhood friend without the feeling of mediocrity. To prove himself that he was worthy of the raven's gaze. To prove that he was not simply a wolf howling at the moon, or the monkey who drowned into the deep pond for foolishly chasing after the moon's reflection.

The frills that stemmed from his admiration for his captain, despite their antagonistic first meeting. Despite his earlier resentment throughout his time serving under him. Trying to get the raven to look at him, to see that he was growing stronger and more adequate in his eyes, more worthy of Rukia's friendship.

Until his objectives changed. Until the powerful noble defeated him in the very battle that was his chance to prove himself in the most direct way possible. Until the noble acknowledged his strength even as he bled, throwing his priceless heirloom scarf on Renji, a testament of his respect.

Until his admiration grew into something he dreaded from the start. Fondness softened the cold eyes whenever he interacted with Renji. Until he was comfortable enough to tease and joke about with him. Opening himself more to the people surrounding him, knowing that Renji was part of the reason for that change. Until Renji felt that tightness in his chest whenever he caught the other's eyes.

Until he realized it was never meant to be.

.

.

.

At first, he thought it was simply the cold that he caught due to the bad weather. He thought the incessant coughing was due to the flowering seasons and his allergies. He didn't want to acknowledge what was happening to him.

Until he couldn't deny it any longer.

People said that it was a deathly disease. That it was so rare that most thought it a myth. To love so strongly that blossoms grew inside your very being, forcing its way out as proof of your genuine and true affection. That the only cure was reciprocation. But it was a disease of love that could never be.

Unrequited.

He didn't tell anyone. It was spring and the cherry blossoms were everywhere. No one would suspect that he swallowed a petal or two. Even though they emerged from his very lungs and not the cherry blossom trees.

Rukia scolded him that he took too big of a breath, which was why the petals got stuck in his pipes. He would sheepishly laugh and pluck them away from his mouth, hiding the hint of blood on their tips as he wiped them off on his uniform. It was only several petals a day, he would learn to live with it.

And he would learn that it would only get worse. The more he grew to love his captain, the more petals he coughed out.

It was befitting, he thought, that they were cherry blossoms, and they were deathly.  
Just like Senbonzakura.

But he couldn't help himself. He grew closer and closer to Kuchiki Byakuya, the closest someone could be as the noble's 'friend'. He relished in their companionship, looked forward to their spars, and occasional visits for tea, even as more and more petals protested in his throat, wanting to burst.

It got worse when they accidentally drank too much sake, sobriety escaped their minds. Thankfully, the noble wasn't conscious enough to notice the petals slipping out of Renji 's coughing lips. But he was aware enough to reach for Renji close and to kiss him, something of a dream that he thought it wasn't real. 

"You taste like cherry blossoms," the raven said after a while, his warm, soft lips still grazing against Renji's frozen ones.

So they became more than simple companions. More than partners in duty.

Renji refused to call the noble his 'sex friend'. They weren't simply benefitting from each other's bodies. Or perhaps, Byakuya was. But to Renji, every moment they spent together was special. And to be with him, to be together in every sense possible, brought him to new cathartic heights.

But the blossoms filled his lungs even as Byakuya kissed him with the tender affection of a lover. Even as he roamed over Renji's body like a man starved, seeking an oasis. They pressed against his pipes even as they were joint in the throes of passion.

Because he knew it wasn't love. Not for Byakuya.

It was telling enough whenever he closed his eyes as he was with Renji, mouthing sweet nothings into his ear, never touching his aching flesh, and calling out her name.

"Hisana," Byakuya would moan softly as he released himself into the arms of pleasure.

Renji would cry then. Silent tears stinging his eyes, even as he let out small noises of pleasure, to keep Byakuya in his trance. He didn't want to ruin the raven's night.

They only did this when Byakuya was drunk. He was counting on that. That he would not remember the next morning. That when he woke up, Renji was gone, and his side of the bed already made up. To keep the illusion of casual pleasures.

Nothing attached.

Sometimes in his hurry, he forgot to clean up some stray petals that fell on the bed. When it was spring, Byakuya would not be any more surprised. But his carelessness in the following seasons would raise the raven's suspicion, eventually.

.

But Byakuya never said anything. He acted the morning after as if nothing happened. It wasn't as if he didn't remember, as Renji thought he was. Byakuya remembered everything, down to the blurry details and haziness of pleasure. He was never as drunk as he acted out to be, always enjoying his nightly excursions with Renji more than he let on, even though he would slip and imagined Hisana in his stead.

He couldn't help himself. He missed her. Her touch, her warmth.

His one and only love.

.

.

.

* * *

"Morning, Captain," Renji greeted the man who probably had been in the office for a good hour earlier than him.

"Lieutenant," Byakuya acknowledged his entry, and paused in thought at the slightly rough quality of the redhead's voice, "do you have a sore throat?"

Renji tensed. He didn't notice how bad his throat was. It had been constantly a dull ache that he couldn't help but ignore. He had been more inclined to drink less alcohol also, since sometimes they burnt too much. His friends were growing suspicious, Matsumoto, most of all, knowing how much alcohol consumption he used to be able to handle. He hid it well by acting drunk and stupid, but it would be sooner rather than later that he had to make better excuses, soon that he would not be able to drink with them entirely.

"I guess so," he offered lamely.

"Drink more water," Byakuya advised after a moment of silence. While it seemed to him that his lieutenant was hiding something other than a simple sore throat, he deemed it not his business what Renji chose to hide from others. He will tell Byakuya if he wanted to, and Byakuya would do his best to listen and care for the person he could almost call his friend.

Whose throat seemed to be getting worse by the day.

Renji acted as he usually would, initially, albeit taking more and more bathroom breaks to his annoyance. He would return not long after, a peculiar cherry blossom fragrance wafted from the lieutenant. Was he reapplying his cologne? Was that so important to shirk his duties ever so often?

But Byakuya noticed that the other would return increasingly more... fatigued. And he would immediately pour himself a glass of water and gulp it down quickly. Sometimes he noticed the redhead would secretly rub his throat with a nonchalant mask, and sometimes he would gulp and a wince would appear on his face.

Byakuya noticed this because it had been going on for over a week now.

And the more he noticed these things, the more he became curious about what ailment his lieutenant was suffering from.

Renji would reassure him that it was all fine, whenever he inquired, that it was just a mild case of sore throat. That he may have drunk too much the other night. That he had too much fun with his friends. Even though he knew that wasn't the case. But Byakuya would not go as far as asking his friends to confirm his explanation, would he?

So he would offer the raven to go out and drink with him. Just to show that he wasn't partly lying. And he knew Byakuya wanted it as much as he did. From the dilation in his pupils and the hand that clenched the brush in his hand tighter. It had been over a month since their last 'outing'.

Sometimes Renji wondered what the raven did to fill his need before he came along. Did he spend his time in a red light district? Perhaps there were some Kuchiki women who graced his bed at night? Renji didn't like to imagine that his captain would spend those nights alone, thinking of his late wife, every single night for decades.

So Renji was glad that Byakuya chose him.

Even though it was not the kind that he so desperately wanted.

He would gladly be his bed partner if so the raven would spend another minute with him. Touching him. Making him imagine what it felt like if those touches were filled with love instead of lust. Sometimes the thought alone gripped his heart so tightly that he had to cover his mouth as the petals spewed out of him in their nights together.

Yet he kept coming back.

The flowers tore through him from the inside out, making a garden of cherry blossoms that Byakuya loved so much. And he smiled throughout it all.

.

.

.

* * *

"Renji, you don't look so good," Hisagi Shuuhai remarked with a frown, "you have been eating less and you haven't joined our night outings these past few weeks. What happened?"

"Hisagi-san," Renji blinked owlishly, taken aback by the barrage of accusatory tones in his friend's voice, his face innocent in its faked confusion, "I'm fine...?"

"You have been spending more time with your captain, haven't you?"

"W-well," he stammered, trying to make up a believable excuse, shrugging, "I'm just trying to be more friendly with him."

Hisagi raised his brow, "Is he 'friendly' to you too?"

" _Too_ friendly, I'd say," Matsumoto snickered from her seat at the restaurant they frequented.

Renji frowned at her, noticing the mocking tone. "It's just—"

"Look, Renji," Hisagi patted him on the shoulder, knowing that the redhead would simply make another excuse, looking at him straight in the eye, "just... take care of yourself, alright?"

Renji nodded half-heartedly.

What else could he do?

They knew as much as he that he didn't mean all that. That he had been chasing after his captain for more than friendship.

He didn't tell them about the blossoms, didn't have the heart to. He didn't want them to worry about him. He didn't want them to do something he wouldn't and ruin his budding relationship with Byakuya.

.

He didn't expect that he himself would be the cause.

They were sparring in the training grounds when it happened.

He thought it was just adrenaline as he raised Zabimaru high, charging at the calm raven who held his zanpakuto loosely in his relaxed arm, his eyes glinting in consternation the only evidence of his focus.

Their swords clashed, the sound reverberating through the air and carrying wisps of Renji's hair. Byakuya pushed back with untethered force, and Renji felt something wanting to burst from his chest.

Byakuya watched as his lieutenant fell hard on the ground, thinking that he would simply get back up and charged headfirst again.

He didn't.

Instead, he coughed harshly, turning around so that his back faced the raven. Byakuya frowned, approaching the other, his shoulder heaving from the force of his cough. He thought he saw a glimpse of red, but Renji was quick to hide his hands.

"Are you all right, Lieutenant?" he tested, expecting to hear the lie being spewed out of Renji's mouth.

"Yeah."

 _Indeed_.

He frowned, taking the redhead's shoulder as he forcefully turned the other to face him. Renji recoiled, hiding his hands as if holding something precious that he didn't want others to see.

"Show me your hands, Abarai."

The redhead shook and bowed his head, already trying to get away with some pitiful excuses.

He was strongly against anyone finding out of his secret, most of all the raven, the source of his agony. But fate was against his wishes. He coughed uncontrollably, and one after the other, bloody petals escaped from his throat, until one full blossom landed softly on the ground, it's petals dripping with slick and blood.

It was the first time the flowers came out whole.

_They said that a whole flower signified an approaching end._

_._

Byakuya was speechless.

Rather, he was afraid that whatever came out of his mouth would make what he was witnessing real, and not a fragment of his rampant imagination. But he still had the bruise on his arm when he crashed against a wooden beacon and the throb on his head when Renji accidentally nailed him with the blunt edge of Zabimaru's hilt.

And his lieutenant was coughing up cherry blossoms from his mouth.

When the coughing subsided, Renji took a shuddering breath. He knew there was no getting away from this. His captain had witnessed firsthand what was happening to him, and he knew Byakuya was no fool. But perhaps he could make an excuse, tell him that it was someone he might not know.

" _Hanahaki_ ," he heard the raven remarked, a statement of fact than a question. Renji was prepared for the impending question, but rather than asking 'who', the raven instead said,

"since when?"

He breathed out a laugh, too soft to be heard. It dawned on him that perhaps he had been too narcissistic. As if a simple show of his disease would let the man knew of his unrequited love, that somehow his captain would know that it was him that Renji had been dying for. He cared for Renji as a comrade, a partner, or even in his best of dreams, a friend.

How foolish of him.

So he answered, "it's nothing serious, captain."

But Byakuya knew better. Knew what he had witnessed.

"It will kill you," he said, his tone even.

.

 _It will,_ Renji thought to himself.

* * *

Byakuya tried to help in any way he could. Offering medications and herbal teas that were said to improve throat health. Sadly, he couldn't give Renji the cure he needed most. It didn't help that Renji never told him _who_. He had his suspicions. Perhaps it was his sister. They were close before, and still very close then. She held affections for Kurosaki Ichigo, and to Byakuya's irritation, the substitute reciprocated. Of course, he would be happy if she was.

But if Renji was dying because of his one-sided love for his sister...

There was nothing that Byakuya could do.

So he could only watch as his lieutenant deteriorated before his eyes, while others remained unaware of his plight.

.

Until Renji lost his voice because of it.

"A sharp stalk pierced through your larynx on its way to your mouth. I managed to get it out, but the damage on your vocal cords," Unohana Retsu paused, sympathy clear in her voice at the horrified expression on Renji's face, "it will take time, Lieutenant Abarai."

.

Everyone knew what was happening to him by then. The incident happened quite publicly, after all. It was a joint training session with the other divisions, his friends were there to both supervise and demonstrate. He fell to the ground clutching on his throat with a choked whimper, tasting blood in his mouth, and lose consciousness afterward.

When he woke up, they were all there. And they looked at him with pity in their eyes.

He hated it. He requested for everyone to leave, struggling to as he wrote down his demand, the only thing he could let out of his throat was stuttered exhales and pained, frustrated whimpers.

They said that his throat lining was too damaged to eat food normally that a gastric tube was needed to keep him on a balanced 'diet', if he could call it that.

It didn't change that those blossoms still kept trying to escape his lungs into his damaged throat. He bore the pain quietly.

_His whole life had changed within a day._

.

People would visit him every day. Rukia visited him most. She would be the longest to stay, and the longest to cry by his bedside. Sometimes Ichigo would accompany her, and he would grit his teeth as he listened to her sobs, trying to comfort her even when Renji was the one suffering, the one coughing up bloodied petals and blossoms.

But Renji couldn't do anything. Couldn't say anything.

He let them be. He watched them and he tried to smile, to be cheerful, only to console his friends. That he was still the same Renji. That everything would be all right.

Ichigo would look at Renji in the eye, and he would know the innocent lie in Renji's smile. And he too, would shed a silent tear.

And one way or another, his friends slipped up in their own frustration, telling him that they would tell his captain of what they knew so that he knew _why_ he was suffering. As if by some miracle, Kuchiki Byakuya would reciprocate the feeling that just wasn't there.

But he would simply shake his head.

 _I will tell him myself,_ he wrote, relenting. And they would begrudgingly let the matter go.

He was counting on the fact that his captain never visited him, and that they wouldn't intervene any more than he was comfortable.

* * *

Byakuya rarely visited.

He was busy.

With his lieutenant out of commission—perhaps, he was afraid, _forever_ — the work that they used to share piled on his desks every single day. It didn't matter that he was too distracted to finish anything and kept them piled on for the next day and the next day after. It was not in his character to do so. To be lazy and get distracted from his duty. To not honor the title that was bestowed upon him as Captain of the Sixth Division of Gotei 13. His training as both an officer, a soldier, and a noble. Yet he kept doing it.

If only as an excuse to not see what had become of Renji.

He was there exactly once. The first time Renji was taken to the emergency ward. The smell of blood and cherry blossoms hit his nose before cloying medicines and antiseptics, as the gruesome imagery of Renji's bloodied face attacked his visions. He stayed until the redhead woke up, and horror as the other struggled to let out a noise, but unable to.

The next time he visited, it was to a quiet room. A cherry blossom-filled room. The scent familiar, beloved. Cherished.

No one was there—the nurses, the healers, nor Renji's friends. Not even Rukia. He walked to a seat beside Renji's bed, wishing he was asleep.

But Renji turned his head to him. And his breath hitched, his chest tightened.

He looked different.

His spiritual energy almost too weak to notice. The medical robe was too big on his emaciated frame. A single tube prodded from the fold of the robe on his stomach, currently unused. His hair was dull from the lack of care, his tattoos looked out of place on his pale, sallow skin.

It reminded Byakuya of memory too old. Reminded him of the fragility of a beloved person, long dead.

It made him fear for the future.

.

" _Who_?" he finally asked. Desperation now clear in his voice. He needed to do something. Find that person, and perhaps get an answer that would save his lieutenant.

Perhaps they would learn to love him. Byakuya was sure that his lieutenant was beloved by everyone. He would be easy to love. 

_Easy to love._

He just needed to know who. 

.

Renji didn't say anything, he couldn't.

But his eyes were bright as he looked at Byakuya. He saw the emotions swirling behind chocolate orbs, emotions he knew well, as the same one that left him half a century ago.

His heart sank.

Renji smiled a hollow smile, then.  
  
He smiled an accepting smile.

_He already knew the answer._

.

.

.

The noble couldn't face Renji after that.

He wasn't ready to face what had become of his lieutenant. Wasn't ready to face the truth.

To know what he knew, yet unable to do anything.

_He couldn't force himself to love._

So he kept telling himself. 

_._

But Rukia was persistent. As was Kurosaki Ichigo. As were the rest of Renji's friends.

They grew bold and admonished him for his cowardice. They urged him to see his lieutenant, to tell him before it 'was too late'.

What did they mean, he wondered?

_Tell him what?_

.

And he would, eventually, after a long and arduous discussion with himself. After he finished with his duties, he trudged like a man with an endless burden on his back, towards a private ward in the Fourth Division. Every step closer the weight grew, and the moment his fingers touched the door, he felt as if the air was suffocating him.

He opened the door, and cherry blossom petals greeted him. The window was open, the breeze was calming. The scent familiar, beloved.

Cherished.

It was a peaceful day.

.

Yet he felt it as a part of his soul left him.

.

The lack of a weak, yet warm energy teeming with life. No more.

.

A single tear, and two, and then they flowed out freely as he approached the bed, where his serene-looking lieutenant lied.

His eyes closed in a deep, eternal sleep. A gentle smile on his youthful face.

_He was beautiful._

_._

_So this is what they meant._

* * *

.

.

.

Renji died with cherry blossoms on his lips. Cherry blossoms over his eyes, and cherry blossoms fluttering around his body.

The quiet room was fragrant, the scent of spring blossoms permeated to every corner. If someone were to leave the door open, the sweet, soft scent would surely spread about the entire building.

It would linger for some days and faded away as the petals yellowed and rot.

.

The funeral was silent, filled only with Rukia's gentle sobs and the sound of Ichigo murmuring sweet words of encouragement to her hair as he hugged her small figure the entire procession.

His tomb would be located in the meadow of a small woods belonging to the Kuchiki, where dozens of cherry blossom trees stood strong, waiting for spring to arrive and display their colors to the world. He would be dubbed an honorary Kuchiki, a part of Byakuya and Rukia's family, and the last lieutenant that Byakuya would appoint in his career.

No other shinigami would fill the position, nor had Byakuya any wish to replace him.

It was Renji's place. His second. His trustee.

_His friend._

_._

He couldn't even remember the last words they spoke to each other, no matter how desperately he wanted to.

.

No more would he hear the loud, booming voice that greeted him every morning without fail. Those eyes open and full of life as the owner charged towards him in their spars.  
No more would he be able to caress those beautiful scarlet locks in his hands, as he watched the other's passion.  
No more would he experience energy surging throughout his body, infected by the boisterous laughter from the only person who changed his outlook in life.

The person who opened the whole world in front of him.

.

And never would he hear those lips utter his name again.

.

Never would he hear those three words he knew so well, yet didn't have the chance to hear.

.

.

.

Once spring came with all its beautiful glory and enchanting colors, friends and family would gather by the meadow to enjoy the scenery with Renji. They would collect the fallen blossoms and petals and put them all around his grave, surrounding him with the proof of his love.

And once everyone had left, Rukia would remain. She would touch the stone and whisper prayers and stories of her days as if she was talking to him still. In the end, Ichigo would come and gather her in his arms and took her away from the encroaching cold night.

Leaving Renji alone with his cherry blossoms once more.

.

The full moon was high in the sky. Its glow was soft and somber, even as it brightened the dark blanket of night.

Soft footsteps crunched on grass could be heard by no one but the wind, and the dancing blossoms high above their trees. The person stopped before Renji's grave, kneeling down to the grass and petal covered ground.

It was quiet, as he stood still and bask at the moment. His breathing was slow and steady. Taking in the beautiful scenery, the fragrant scent of cherry blossom that now could only bring sorrow and bittersweet memories.

_._

A soft cough was heard, and another, until shaky fingers plucked a vibrant red camellia from smiling lips, even as blood dripped down pale hands.

They reminded him of the fleeting life of the person before him. Of the scarlet hair flowing with fire.

Byakuya placed the frail blossom in the middle of Renji, where he deemed his heart was once located.

The heart that unknowingly took his own as it flew higher than the moon, higher than Byakuya could reach.

.

_He loved him._

.

Even when it was too late.

.

.

.

* * *

When the morn came, they would be puzzled by the beautiful red camellia sitting on Renji's grave innocently.

Puzzled as to where Kuchiki Byakuya had gone.

.

If he was there, he would tell them.

_He went to his love._

* * *

_\- end -_

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, I left it at that :)
> 
> Thank you for reading and please leave a comment :)


End file.
